prize forfeited

Since no one identified the picture I posted on 6.28.2008 @ 4:13 pm, I am keeping the prize. That will teach you!

Bathtub Babies, part 1

Tanisha's love of the bath started at an early age.

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She may want to import this photo to her blog!

Is it football season yet?

need I say more?

Back to work

I have a heavy heart....tomorrow I am returning to work. Apparently, I have regained my sanity. I was feeling pretty good last Sunday. Today I am very sad. Could this be a hint front my psyche that it is not a good environment for me? I just think I do not belong there anymore. But where, exactly, do I belong?

I was thinking that I had kicked this depression that had been dragging me down, but here it is back with a vengeance. "Praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry it out."

I have some things I want to do, and some things I want to read....maybe a walk on the beach will help....maybe I will find a picture or two to post a little later to brighten the day.

PS to the previous post

An amazing thing happened when I attempted to publish the last post: it would not publish! I tried about 5 or 6 times to hit the "publish post" button and I kept getting an error message. Then it told me I couldn't save a draft (although I later found most of what I had written in a list of posts to be edited) I also tried to make a copy to transfer to an email, but I couldn't do that either. I really did not want to have to rewrite the whole thing, but it looked as though I was going to have to. Then I thought to copy the error message and send an email to the help page/people. I did that, had to join some blogger group with Google, posted my error message, then when I came back to my page, was able to publish the post. Finally!!

I wonder why I had to work so hard to get this post into my blog.............


GUESS WHO? (Clue: this photo was taken in 1974)

Coincidence? I think not......

I have not been adding to my blog for a couple of days, because I have been "pondering" my experience of the past couple/few days. I have learned about the Atonement, on a deep and sometimes very uncomfortable level. I got it from all sides- from books that I read & movies that I watched. Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to our bishop, and he mentioned watching "The Passion of the Christ". I own this movie--have owned it for a few years now, but have never watched it, as I was disgusted by Mel Gibson's drunken anti-Semitic tirade. I shared this with the bishop, and he said it had really been an intense and moving thing for him to watch the movie. I answered in an offhand manner that I should probably watch it "someday" and our conversation moved on.

On this past Wednesday night, I watched the Passion of the Christ. I was surprised to find that the dialogue was not in English--it was in Aramaic. I could not find the way to change the language (lost the remote before I moved here to the beach), so decided to watch, paying close attention, to see if I could follow the movie. After all, I know the story very well.

I was able to follow the story line very well, despite the language barrier. When my bishop had said it was intense, that was an incredible understatement. I'm telling you, there were many times I had to turn my head, or get up and wash a couple of dishes, and on several times I found myself sobbing. The words in my heart were "I'm so sorry, I am so very sorry" to both Heavenly Father and to Jesus. {My dogs, by this time, were very disturbed, as they have never seen me in such a state, even when they have plundered my living room!}

The next day, I was taking the bus to "town" (down the peninsula to Long Beach) and I picked up a couple of books from my vast library to read along the way. One was "The Peacegiver" which I had put down for a while because the reading felt redundant; the other was "The Brothers" the prologue to what has been recommended as a very good series of books. I opened the Peacegiver while I was waiting for the bus to pick me up (can you believe all I have to do is walk across the street from my house to catch the bus-- and the fare is only 35 cents each way?!). Within a page or two, I was reading about the Garden of Gethsemane, and this was another heartwrenching illustration of our Savior during that dreadful time. I was standing on the street blinking back tears. The bus came, and no one seemed to notice my misty eyes. After I sat down, I opened the book again, and read some more. After about 15 minutes, I decided to put the book away until I got home, where as experience had taught me, I could cry like a baby if I needed to.

I brought the other book out of my bag, and began reading it. This was not going to be light reading, either. It opens with a funeral. I closed that book, and watched the scenery until I got to town. I got off the bus, took care of my business, and when I caught the return bus, I read more of "The Brothers" which moved from the funeral scene to the beginning of what promises to be an intriguing story.

That evening, I pulled out a DVD I ordered from ldscatalog.org called "For this End was I Born." And you guessed it, this was also about the Atonement. I have carried the intensity of all of this with me for a few days now. I think I "get it" I am so grateful and so broken hearted. I have known the story for many years now, but never so deeply in my heart.

Isn't it interesting that I ran into this lesson over and over, everywhere I went? Coincidence? I think not.........

OK, JUST ONE MORE

Here is one of my very favorites of all time. The times that I am the happiest are when I am with my fabulous daughters and their families. I love my girls and I love being a grandma!!

I am supposed to be mowing my lawn.......

But this is so much more fun! I'm glad others are enjoying these photos, because I really enjoy posting them! Here's a classic of Lyssa & Hope, back in the day (how did they get old enough to have a day to go back to????)

Here is an oldie but goodie:

Guess who???

I FIGURED IT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's the small things in life......now I can move on to finish cooking my dinner for one (if you don't count the dogs).

OK, I am trying to put multiple pics in one post without them all being crowded at the top like the lovely but confusing post where Barack Obama was adopted into our family. Tanisha can do it, Libbie can do it, so I want to do it.

Grrrrrr, it didn't work the way I wanted. But just for the record, we have last summer's photo of Bailey when she visited Grandma (practicing for her cameo in the next Harry Potter film) and then we have Lilly at a previous birthday bash...she is much older and more sophisticated now.

This is another blast from the past...the little girls and Auntie Wanna......except they are not the little girls anymore. Where does the time go?

Isn't this a darling picture? We all look so young there! Just think I thought I was fat when this picture was taken....hoo boy, I wish I was that fat now! Let's see who can guess all of the people. There will be a prize.

So, my first "teaching" episode is behind me, and there were no casualties... Actually, once I got into it, I felt pretty comfortable. Who wouldn't do well, with the support I had? Those women were wonderful and the topic of "Concern for the One" was a good one. We had 14 women today...God Bless those summer people!

I am back on the Diet Pepsi wagon. I am drinking grape juice with Crystal Geyser sparkling water even as I type (which could get messy). Next I will sample an invigorating mix of white cranberry and peach juice with the sparkling water... I refuse to go to the store today...feel rather proud of myself for remembering on Friday to put gas in the car so I would be able to make it to church w/o stopping to gas up, or pray fervently to make it into the church parking lot. And I was 9 minutes early for church this morning....a record since I was baptized.

Today has been a good day. Life is good. And I am still crazy, so no work tomorrow. Woohoo!!!!!!!!!

Aren't job interviews fun??

Actually, I have had two very interesting job interviews in the past two days. And so far, I have an offer to do some freelance reporting for the local weekly paper....I am excited about that...and I will find out about the other next week. Both prospective jobs would be a complete change of pace for me...and I think I am REALLY ready for that. It will be interesting to see what the next week has in store.

The above photo is Marissa & her favorite Uncle (Lee) in 1995, when Marissa was into her cowgirl groove. I know it has nothing to do with what I just wrote about, but I wanted to post this picture anyway. Plus, I have ADD, so I just go where my undisciplined mind takes me. So there.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY "LITTLE BROTHER" PHIL

It is 6.19.2008. Happy Birthday Phil. You must be 49. (Let's see 53-4=49) Yep, that should be right. Here's a little blast from the past...I believe Christmas 1967....do the words "Incredible Edibles" mean anything to you?

A Couple of pics of Tanisha before Momhood

As I was proofreading my blogging attempts, I recognized that I haven't featured Tanisha in a solo pic....so I dashed over to my pics stored on my computer, and discovered I haven't yet scanned any of her w/o kids or hubby for a while...here are a couple of her in Hawaii on graduation (from college) day.

One is her by herself, and the other is with her dear friend Libbie. This was another great day! (For anyone who is keeping track, it was in December 2001)

Good Night, Already!!

Once again, I have allowed myself to become obsessed (this time with the blog thing)....and it is past my bedtime. Luckily, because I am still crazy, I don't have to get up for work tomorrow. I am so grateful for this time away from WBH....with each passing day, I feel myself grow stronger and healthier! I am growing into the woman I was created to be.

Yes We Can - Barack Obama Music Video

Look what I found! Listen to our next president......

Sesame Street - Elmo's Alphabet Rap

and one more for my grandson Ritchie!

Sesame Street - Maya Angelou plays pat-a-cake with Elmo

and now here is one for Richard!

Maya Angelou 1993 Bill Clinton Inauguration

here is the poem as performed by the lady herself.........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARISSA!!

This is Marissa, my "baby" who turned (dare I tell?) 27 years old on the day before yesterday. She is married to Dustin and they are the proud parents of three girls: Hope, Lilly & Bailey. In this picture, Marissa is taking a short break from zipping around the Long Beach area on this snazzy yellow moped (summer 2007). Marissa is also beautiful and smart (a pattern is beginning to emerge here) and she speaks her mind. There is never any question about how she feels or what she thinks. I enjoy listening to her share her points of view--she is very articulate. She often gives me a lot to think about--especially when she makes observations about me or something that I do. ;-0

Here is my Jenna, my oldest daughter. This is just one of her pictures, but she is VERY particular about what photos of herself she will allow to be published. This is (I think) her MySpace pic, so I think I am safe. Jenna is the proud mother of Anthony & Alyssa, whose photos will be appearing here soon. As you can see, she is beautiful and she is pretty darn smart, to boot! Recently, Jenna & Anthony & Alyssa made the LONG trek to the coast to witness my baptism. Sharing that was very special for me. Also, taking the kids to the beach the next morning and collecting LOTS of sand dollars was one of the highlights of my year. I don't get to see them often enough....but I am hoping to get to spend more time with them later on this summer.

Still crazy & loving it

OK....this will be posting two weeks in a row....even if no one else is impressed, I am proud of myself. Actually, I was telling Tanisha about my funny little blog (emphasis on little) so that made me think of it and writing.

I was looking for the conference copy of the Ensign (for those of you who know what I am talking about) and I found the bound commemorative copy of Maya Angelou's awesome poem for Bill Clinton's inauguration in 1993. I really love her poem so I am going to copy it here. I hope she doesn't mind--she is my hero. Anyway, here it is:

ON THE PULSE OF MORNING

by Maya Angelou

A Rock, A River, A Tree

Hosts to species long since departed,

Marked the mastodon,

The dinosaur, who left dried tokens

Of their sojourn here

On our planet floor,

Any broad alarm of their hastening doom

Is lost in the gloom of dust and ages.

But today, the Rock cries out to us, clearly,

forcefully,

Come, you may stand upon my

Back and face your distant destiny,

But seek no haven in my shadow,

I will give you no hiding place down here.

You, created only a little lower than

The angels, have crouched too long in

The bruising darkness

Have lain too long

Facedown in ignorance,

Your mouths spilling words

Armed for slaughter.

The Rock cries out to us today,

You may stand on me;

But do not hide your face.

~~~~~

Across the wall of the world,

A River sings a beautiful song. It says,

Come, rest here by my side.

Each of you, a bordered country,

Delicate and strangely made proud,

Yet thrusting perpetually under seige.

Your armed struggles for profit

Have left collars of waste upon

My shore, currents of debris upon my breast.

Yet today I call you to my riverside,

If you will study war no more.

Come. clad in peace,

And I will sing the songs

The Creator gave to me when I and the

Tree and the Rock were one.

Before cynicism was a bloody scar across your brow

And when you yet knew you still knew nothing.

The River sang and sings on.

There is a true yearning to respond to

The singiing River and the wise Rock.

So say the Asian, the Hispanic, the Jew

The African, the Native American, the Sioux,

The Catholic, the Muslim, the French, the Greek,

The Irish, the Rabbi, the Priest, the Sheik,

The gay, the Straight, the Preacher,

The privileged, the homeless, the Teacher.

They hear. They all hear

The speaking of the Tree.

They hear the first and the last of every Tree

Speak to humankind today.

Come to me,

Here beside the River.

Plant yourself beside the River.

Each of you, descendant of some passed-

On traveler, has been paid for.

You, who gave me my first name, you,

Pawnee, Apache, Seneca, you

Cherokee Nation, who rested with me, then

Forced on bloody feet,

Left me to the employment of

Other seekers--desperate for gain,

Starving for gold.

You, the Turk, the Arab, the Swede,

The German, the Eskimo, the Scot,

The Italian, the Hungarian, the Pole,

You the Ashanti, the Yoruba, the Kru, bought

Sold, stolen, arriving on a nightmare

Praying for a dream.

Here, root yourselves beside me.

I am that Tree planted by the River,

Which will not be moved.

I, the Rock, I, the River, I, the Tree

I am yours--your passages have been paid.

Lift up your faces, you have a piercing need

For this bright morning dawning for you.

History, despite its wrenching pain,

Cannot be unlived, but if faced

With courage, need not be lived again.

Lift up your eyes

Upon this day breakiing for you.

Give birth again

To the dream

~~~~~~~

Women, children, men,

Take it into the palms of your hands,

Mold it into the shape of your most

Private need. Sculpt it into

The image of your most public self.

Lift up your hearts

Each new hour holds new chances

For a new beginning.

Do not be wedded forever

To fear, yoked eternally

To brutishness.

~~~~~~~

The horizon leans forward,

Offering you space

To place new steps of change

Here, on the pulse of this fine day

You may have the courage

To look up and out and upon me,

The Rock, the River, the Tree, your country.

No less to Midas, than the mendicant.

No less to you now than the mastodon then.

~~~~~~~

Here on the pulse of this new day

You may have the grace to look up and out

And into your sister's eyes,

And into your brother's face,

Your country,

And say simply

Very simply

With hope--

Good morning.

**************************************************

Isn't that wonderful? I had forgotten how powerful that poem is, until I found it again this afternoon.

So I guess you are wondering why I am reporting that I am still crazy. Of course you are! I have a note from my therapist that says I am severely emotionally distressed and I need to be excused from work through June 27, 2008. So, since it is not yet June 27th, I must still be crazy :-)

PS I didn't mean to do that....

OK--I didn't mean for Senator Obama's pic to be up at the top of my last posting. Obviously, I need some practice at this blogging thing. Now for a picture of the New Zealand branch of the family.....but come to think of it, he (Barack) looks like he could be part of our family....anyway, aren't they gorgeous??

Wow--when I said sporadic, I didn't even realize how prophetic that would be. So much has happened in the past few months....I lost my big brother...I miss him lots and lots....I am grateful I got to spend the last days of his life with him.... that's us a few years ago...I was 10 and he was 15...he had that "California Surfer Guy" thing going on back then!

So, I got home from California and broke my foot, had foot surgery, and lately work has been a real challenge. I got baptized on May 17th; Jenna, Anthony & Alyssa came for the occasion, as well as my friend Tammy. A very special day.

I am so pleased that Barack Obama is our Democratic nominee for President. Oddly enough, even though I have supported Obama since before the caucus, I found myself shedding a few tears for/about Hillary Clinton. Please God, let the Democrats win....enough is enough!

I have a new grandson, Josiah, who I haven't been able to even hold yet. He and his mom & brother are coming in August for an extended visit. As always, I have to share them, but it will be good to be able to hug & kiss all of them in person (Look out Nish!)