I am amazed--Jenna & I talked on the phone for 2 1/2 hours this evening. I can't remember the last time we talked so long. We have pretty much solved all the world's problems, now if someone will just ask for our advice **smile** I hope to get over to her when she has her surgery, but there are a few details to be worked out. Is it bad to hope I DON'T get a job soon?
My older brother Duane called me today; we talked about how much we miss our oldest brother Lee. Duane is having health problems, had a heart attack at 51(he's 56 now) and was wheezing loudly throughout today's conversation due to his COPD. Listening to him describe his life, I became even more grateful for my own life. He was just released from the hospital after getting over pneumonia, and admitted he has not stopped smoking, although he has tried multiple times. I had a very similar conversation with our mother in the fall of 1994, which was kind of hypocritical since I was still smoking then. When she had emergency surgery in January of 1995 for a perferated colon, she was unable to breathe on her own, so they gave her a tracheotomy and put her on a respirator. The respirator was never removed until the night she died, almost two months later, after spending the entire time in the intensive care unit, and being unconcious 99.9% of the time. Duane & I were with her when she died, each of us holding one of her hands. I was with Lee when he died, at his side and telling him it was ok to go. He had cancer and was in a lot of pain. I'm afraid my other two brothers are on their own. Since I plan to live on this earth for a long time, because I have lots to do, I just know I will outlive both of them.
Since I am on this gloomy roll, I may as well acknowledge my son's birthday which is tomorrow, August 4th. He would be 26 this year. Someone told me I can do his work, and we can be sealed when I am able to go to the temple. And I will be able to raise him when we are reunited. That is a comforting thought to hold on to, and yet another reason to stay on my path!
I am sorry to seem so morbid, because I really don't feel that way. Truly, I am so grateful for all of my blessings, being reminded today that I have been smoke free since January 2000, and what a miracle that is! I am sad for my mother and my brother Duane, but they made choices, and could have made the same choices I have made. Recently I was told that I have been blessed with a strong mind, a strong body and a strong spirit. When I compare myself to the rest of my family, I think that statement was more accurate than I believed at first. I know that I am so grateful for my life. I am happy, I love my life, and if I fall out of love with my life, I can do something different. I don't think my mother or my brothers had the same love of life that I have (despite "those days") and I don't know if they ever had dreams to work toward and make come true. I have had a lot of loss in my life, but I have also been graced with so much. I truly feel that most people who have been where I've been do not have the opportunity to live the life I now have. Sometimes I wonder how or why I ever was blessed so much to be able to enjoy the many, many gifts I have received.
Well, enough of my rambling. And my poor grammar & sentence structure. (Sorry Mrs. Gunning) I am off to bed, right after I find a good talk on byutv.com. This morning I learned that Steve Young is LDS. I'm tellin ya--those LDS people are everywhere!
