Tough month

To any who may have noticed I have gone underground (so to speak) I just want to let you know this has not been an easy time for me. I survived the year anniversary of my big brother's death, but the shadow it cast over Thanksgiving was brutal. I have been "allowing" myself to ride the waves of grief, as I have learned that when I honor the feelings rather than try to stuff them, the peace comes sooner and more completely.

Getting ready for Christmas....more soon!!

Take a lesson from history, fellow Democrats

You know I have a lot on my mind when I am blogging at 4:45 a.m. to share my thoughts. Plus I have to leave for work in 15 minutes, and later in the day I have limited computer access.

I think our founding fathers demonstrated great wisdom when they designed our government with a series of checks and balances. That safeguard can be thwarted, to some degree, when one political party has control of the White House, the Senate and the House of Representatives. We witnessed this when "the other guys" had this control during the last few years. We see, and are digging our way out of, the mess this delicate situation can allow to happen. Please, my fellow Democrats, do not fall into the same partisan, arrogant, self-serving tactics that led to the current mess.

We say we want to bring the country together. That means that we must genuinely listen to all of our fellow citizens, even when--especially when--they do not agree with us. I agree with our President-elect when he says we all share so many of the same values, but we have different ideas as to how to preserve those values, or achieve them. One party does not have all the answers -- although I do believe that one party has a greater capacity to guide us, as a nation, to a place where all Americans have the opportunity to create an atmosphere where all those who are willing to work and secure the freedom and liberty for themselves and their posterity are able to do so.

There is more to say...but I must be getting ready for work. Let us not be so arrogant that we forget that our President-elect has promised to be a President for all Americans. Let us support him in that goal. We know what it is like to be shut out and ignored--and sometimes even purposely hurt. And often ridiculed. Let us be the "bigger" people and really make an effort to include everyone in this era of change.

Senator John McCain--a man of class and courage

Senator McCain is one of my two favorite Republicans. (Colin Powell is the other)

I am not a big fan of most Republicans or their party's ideology. But I must salute Senator McCain for his life of service to our country. If we had to have a Republican president, I wish he had been at the helm these past eight years instead of he-who-must-not-be-named. I honestly think the country would not be such a dismal mess. But, that is water under the bridge--just remember everyone--I warned you about W. I was right. Enough said.

Listening to the Senator's concession speech last night brought tears to my eyes. What a decent, honorable man. What a patriot! I am sad that Senator McCain had to be the one to be nominee in this election. But I am NOT sad that President-elect Obama won. He will bring us together (those of us who truly want to be united) and he will bring back respect from our neighbors across the globe.

Thank you, Senator McCain, for being the man that you are. I pray that President Obama utilizes you in his administration.

Below is the text of the gracious speech given last night...........


From CNN, Nov. 4, 2008 @ 8:30 PT

Thank you. Thank you, my friends. Thank you for coming here on this beautiful Arizona evening.

My friends, we have -- we have come to the end of a long journey. The American people have spoken, and they have spoken clearly.

A little while ago, I had the honor of calling Sen. Barack Obama to congratulate him. Watch McCain's speech »

To congratulate him on being elected the next president of the country that we both love.

In a contest as long and difficult as this campaign has been, his success alone commands my respect for his ability and perseverance. But that he managed to do so by inspiring the hopes of so many millions of Americans who had once wrongly believed that they had little at stake or little influence in the election of an American president is something I deeply admire and commend him for achieving.

This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans and for the special pride that must be theirs tonight.

I've always believed that America offers opportunities to all who have the industry and will to seize it. Sen. Obama believes that, too.

But we both recognize that, though we have come a long way from the old injustices that once stained our nation's reputation and denied some Americans the full blessings of American citizenship, the memory of them still had the power to wound.

A century ago, President Theodore Roosevelt's invitation of Booker T. Washington to dine at the White House was taken as an outrage in many quarters.

America today is a world away from the cruel and frightful bigotry of that time. There is no better evidence of this than the election of an African-American to the presidency of the United States.

Let there be no reason now for any American to fail to cherish their citizenship in this, the greatest nation on Earth.

Sen. Obama has achieved a great thing for himself and for his country. I applaud him for it, and offer him my sincere sympathy that his beloved grandmother did not live to see this day. Though our faith assures us she is at rest in the presence of her creator and so very proud of the good man she helped raise.

Sen. Obama and I have had and argued our differences, and he has prevailed. No doubt many of those differences remain.

These are difficult times for our country. And I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face.

I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited.

Whatever our differences, we are fellow Americans. And please believe me when I say no association has ever meant more to me than that.

It is natural. It's natural, tonight, to feel some disappointment. But tomorrow, we must move beyond it and work together to get our country moving again.

We fought -- we fought as hard as we could. And though we fell short, the failure is mine, not yours.

I am so deeply grateful to all of you for the great honor of your support and for all you have done for me. I wish the outcome had been different, my friends.

The road was a difficult one from the outset, but your support and friendship never wavered. I cannot adequately express how deeply indebted I am to you.

I'm especially grateful to my wife, Cindy, my children, my dear mother and all my family, and to the many old and dear friends who have stood by my side through the many ups and downs of this long campaign.

I have always been a fortunate man, and never more so for the love and encouragement you have given me.

You know, campaigns are often harder on a candidate's family than on the candidate, and that's been true in this campaign.

All I can offer in compensation is my love and gratitude and the promise of more peaceful years ahead.

I am also -- I am also, of course, very thankful to Gov. Sarah Palin, one of the best campaigners I've ever seen, and an impressive new voice in our party for reform and the principles that have always been our greatest strength, her husband Todd and their five beautiful children for their tireless dedication to our cause, and the courage and grace they showed in the rough and tumble of a presidential campaign.

We can all look forward with great interest to her future service to Alaska, the Republican Party and our country.

To all my campaign comrades, from Rick Davis and Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter, to every last volunteer who fought so hard and valiantly, month after month, in what at times seemed to be the most challenged campaign in modern times, thank you so much. A lost election will never mean more to me than the privilege of your faith and friendship.

I don't know -- I don't know what more we could have done to try to win this election. I'll leave that to others to determine. Every candidate makes mistakes, and I'm sure I made my share of them. But I won't spend a moment of the future regretting what might have been.

This campaign was and will remain the great honor of my life, and my heart is filled with nothing but gratitude for the experience and to the American people for giving me a fair hearing before deciding that Sen. Obama and my old friend Sen. Joe Biden should have the honor of leading us for the next four years.

I would not -- I would not be an American worthy of the name should I regret a fate that has allowed me the extraordinary privilege of serving this country for a half a century.

Today, I was a candidate for the highest office in the country I love so much. And tonight, I remain her servant. That is blessing enough for anyone, and I thank the people of Arizona for it.

Tonight -- tonight, more than any night, I hold in my heart nothing but love for this country and for all its citizens, whether they supported me or Sen. Obama -- whether they supported me or Sen. Obama.

I wish Godspeed to the man who was my former opponent and will be my president. And I call on all Americans, as I have often in this campaign, to not despair of our present difficulties, but to believe, always, in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here.

Americans never quit. We never surrender.


We never hide from history. We make history.

Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you all very much.

What he said

Obama's Speech, As Prepared

05 Nov 2008 12:03 am

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.
It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.
It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.
It's the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.
It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.
I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he's fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation's promise in the months ahead.
I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.
I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation's next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the White House. And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.
To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics - you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you've sacrificed to get it done.
But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to - it belongs to you.
I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington - it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.
It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.
I know you didn't do this just to win an election and I know you didn't do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime - two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor's bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.
The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.
There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it's been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years - block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.
What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek - it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.
So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers - in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.
Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House - a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, "We are not enemies, but friends...though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection." And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn - I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.
And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world - our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down - we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security - we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright - tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.
For that is the true genius of America - that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.
This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing - Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.
She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons - because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.
And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America - the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.
At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.
When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.
When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.
She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.
A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.
America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves - if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?
This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time - to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth - that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:
Yes We Can. Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.

Our President Barack Obama

Yes we can!!!!!!!!!

Yes we did!!!!

Thank you, my fellow Americans, for casting your votes, along with mine, to take back our country... making it once again

OF THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE, AND FOR THE PEOPLE

of these wonderful United States of America.

Once again, I am so very proud to be an American and proud of our president-elect. Yes we can and yes we did!

once upon a time in Cheney

I am not sure why I chose to scan this particular photo. I have been wanting to scan numerous random photos during my "packing" ordeal. This one made it.

Don't ask me how the packing is going

You will just be disappointed. I am almost to the point where I want to put what's left in a pile and have a bonfire. Almost. Now to try to pack for a while. Unless I hear a new email come in. Priorities you know.

My grandmother and her two daughters

Probably about 1935 or so. My mom is on the left. Is that my nose that my grandmother is wearing???

now we're really reaching...............

My cousin says my 3rd grade picture looks like "him" Great, now I find out I looked old at 8 years old.........there's a happy thought.

It's a boy!!

Do you see any resemblance?

Back to packing

Back to reality. The reality is that I hate to pack. One would think I would either move less, or refrain from collecting "stuff" But stuff is so interesting. I have things that remind me of people and special occasions. I am never bored at home. I can read, I can putter around the house, I can amuse myself for hours. Sometimes I will come across something that reminds me of soomeone, so I call them, but by the time they answer the phone, I forgot what I wanted to tell them.

If I ever get Alzheimer's how will anyone ever know?

So, I just realized that I said "back to reality" but you, my dear reader, probably didn't know that I have been in an altered reality for about the last 36-48 hours. Thanks to doing family history work, and especially thanks to the wonders of the internet, I was able to meet, via the internet and telephone two brothers I didn't even know I had until recently. And I was even more of a surprise to them! They sent me a picture of our father, and told me about him. This is such a miracle. They seem to be kind, intelligent, thoughtful men. I hope I will have the opportunity to get to know them better--from what I've learned so far, I think I would like to have them as friends whether they were realated or not. Anyway, I am still processing the whole deal, and I have trouble believing this really happened. Then I go back and reread the emails. Amazing. Just amazing.

My big brother Lee's birthday was earlier this week. I miss him so much. Last week his brand new granddaughter was born. Anyway, my heart was hurting so much, I wonder if he guided me to my "new" brothers.

Earlier this week, I was driving and praying (no I was not praying about my driving) and just talking to God about my difficulties with the whole father thing, and asking for help in healing that hole in my soul, because I feel that it interferes with my relationship with Him. Then this happens. Coincidence? I think not. LOL.

Oh my goodness--as I sit here at the computer, outside the wind is howling and the rain is just pouring down. The local radio predicted heavy rain and wind--15-30 mph with gusts up to 50 mph. My kind of weather. I love to hear the rain and the wind. I even enjoy the power going out for brief periods of time. After 3 or 4 days it gets a little old. I am going to miss this when I am away from the peninsula. In the meantime, I am just enjoying the mini-storm. I baked oatmeal cokies earlier this evening (gotta use up all that oatmeal, sugar & flour before I move ya know) I left the first batch in the oven a little too long, and they are really crisp.I will leave them out overnight, and they will probably absorb moisture.One of the many fringe benefits of living at the beach. Most places you leave cookies out, and they get dry. Not here.

Better get busy. There is still so much to get ready to put somewhere. It is so hard to stay focused and on task. I keep slipping into puttering mode. I bet I will be really amusing when I get really old. Maybe I could have a reality show for old people, but if they were like me, they would get distracted and forget to tune in.

WOW!

I wish I could make this picture bigger. The man in the snappy uniform is probably a close relative. This tracing your family tree thing is amazing!

progress: slow but pretty sure

It has been a rough couple of days in some ways. For a few moments, I didn't want to play anymore, but I got this sense of Someone saying to me "We did not bring you this far to have you give up now! You have work to do." So I got over myself (for now, at least) and I am back on track. The testimonies in church this morning seemed like messages for me and they helped. I hope others got as much out of the testimonies as I did. I could really feel the spirit. I taught RS lesson today. During my talk, I said "they aren't one of us" and then I stopped and said "Did you hear that? I said one of us. I called myself one of us!" At the end of the session, I tried to say goodbye to the sisters, and couldn't--every time I went to say something I couldn't stop crying. That was crazy & more than a little bit embarrassing. Is having a sensitive spirit really a gift??? Had a great talk with our president after church. I brought brownies (not the girl scout kind) so he wouldn't starve since today was Fast Sunday. It was a great way to break the fast. **smile** I really love and admire our branch president and his wife. Actually, I love all the members of our branch. Those people loved me into the church. I am so blessed to have known them, and I really hope it is God's plan to have me return to the beach.

I GOT MY PASSPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so cosmopolitan...a world traveler, you know....are you impressed? Probably not half as much as I am impressed with myself (teehee)

I think once I get through this part of the change process, things will be much easier. I hope. For once, I really don't want to move. If going to NZ was not so important to me, I would not leave the beach. This community feels like home. BUT--and it is a huge part of the equation--I am excited about the new adventures coming up. Returning to old friends, welcoming a new grandchild, and going to NZ and getting to spend quality time with Tanisha, Phillip and their boys (my exquisite grandsons!) I am putting my stuff in storage here on the peninsula because I want to return here after my "reverse mission".

My dear friend Sharon (AKA Shay-Shay Jones) came this weekend and helped me sort and pack my books. If she and I combined our literary loot, we could have a respectable bookstore. Anyway, I love my friend, too. She is always in my corner and willing to lend a helping hand. She had to be firm with me--I kept getting distracted and she would say "You need to finish _____" whatever task I was supposed to be doing. I needed that. So, in case you ever read this blog THANK YOU SHARON!

OK, time to take a nap. I am not sleeping well, and I am very sleepy now, so I will strike while the iron is hot, or the pillow is soft, as the case may be!

Church Bulletins

Here is a little chuckle from an email I received this morning from one of my favorite RM's:

They're Back! Those Wonderful Church Bulletins!Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services. (2008 Release).
------------------------------ ----------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
-------------------- ------ --------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------- -------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy'
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
----------------------- ----------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, superentertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
------------ ------------------------------------ ---------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-grader s will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'.

YES WE CAN!!!!!

YES, WE MUST.............................America cannot survive another four years of this madness!

another bend in the road

I am going through a plethora of emotions as I sort through my "stuff" to downsize before putting what I want to keep in storage. I collect stuff. It finds me, even when I am not looking for it. Honest! Today I am shedding clothes and kitchen items. Oh and Disney videos. I am keeping most of my DVD's but how many times will I be entertaining grandchildren and dazzle them with Disney videos. Really. By the time I get back from NZ I may not be able to even buy a VCR.....and what to do with my trusty 19" color tv that I bought with student loan money in 1991? I mean, aren't I going to need some HD thingy to even watch TV pretty soon? But I think I will keep old faithful, just in case it will still work when I get back. Gotta have something to play all those General Conference tapes & DVD's ya know.

I am loaning my rather impressive new convert's LDS library to my Branch President for his office while I am gone. I am loaning a good friend many of my other books to read at her leisure while I am gone.

Purses. How did I get so many purses? And why is it NONE of them is "the one"?

Fabric. I am giving much of my fabric to a friend and Relief Society. Not all of it. I have not given up entirely, just gotten a little more reasonable. A little.

Talked to my landlady and gave notice. This is real.

another adventure

I am in negotiations with a former employer in Seattle to work for them temporarily until I leave for NZ

Has anyone seen this woman?

She was last seen @ Walgreen's in Astoria when she confided in the store clerk that she needed photos for her passport. Rumor has it that she proceeded to the Clatsop Co Courthouse to apply for said passport. She looks a little suspicious, if you ask me, and a little more wrinkled than she remembered.

Slowing down??

These are pictures taken of my grandsons by their Aunt Marissa during a visit to her home last month. Would you believe I forgot to take pictures of them when they were at my home?? I am telling you, I can be my own secret admirer and hide my own Easter eggs. If I am this bad now, we must all pray fervently that I never develop Alzheimers. Anyway, thanks Marissa!

No, I am not really slowing down. It is really busy inside my head. Of course, that is pretty much always like that, but for the past few days, the focus (?) and motivation for the "busy-ness" of my brain is a little different. Why, you ask? Good question! I have been seeking the Lord and His direction about going to New Zealand for an extended visit with Tanisha, Phillip and the boys. A "no-brainer" you say? Well, first, for those of you that don't know my history, let me share my propensity for flying by the seat of my pants and jumping into things before reasonable investigation. I am sure my daughters could tell you about my, ahem, sense of adventure. (And their spouses can tell you about my many moves in the past few years, having been opportunities for working family get-togethers on several occasions)

So, in my new life, I am committed to seeking God's will for my life. That has been an ongoing process, starting even before my baptism, but especially at this point in my life, it is important to be reasonably assured of doing what Heavenly Father wants me to do. It has occurred to me that I have probably been here on earth for a bit more than half of my allotted time here, so I need to budget what time remains. There is a lot that I want to do here on earth, so my little rabbit trails need to be managed. (This is such new behavior)

So today's tentative plan is that I will be visiting Tanisha's family in NZ for approximately 6 months, give or take. Probably leaving the US in February after greeting the new grandchild that Marissa & Dustin are bringing into the world (which is another exciting occasion for me to look forward to!)

I think I got out of the habit of writing in my blog when I was visiting Jenna & her family. I had the privilege of supporting Jenna after her recent surgery (she is doing well, thank you for asking) Not only did I get to spend time with my two grandchildren, but I discovered Maria's cookies. I was delighted to find some in the Mexican foods section of my local supermarket. Woohoo!!!!

OK, it's time for me to go walk & ponder on the beach. I know, it's a tough life, but someone has to do it!

happy birthday to me

I almost forgot it was my birthday until a friend brought me a present--she was going to take me out to lunch until she heard my froggish voice. I think I have the dreaded New Zealand cold **smile** but if I do it is worth every moment of it. I had so much fun playing with Tanisha & her boys!!

Oops--have to go--there's a florist in my driveway............

I love walking on my beach

This morning was very foggy....summer--what summer??--and I was enticed to talk a walk on the beach. I know, there's a surprise, huh? When I got to the place where the street turns into a sandy beach approach, where I can usually see the ocean, I couldn't see the ocean. I walked to the water's edge, and then I was able to see through the mist, what appeared to be a small island. There were several birds of varying species resting there. Of course there were the requisite seagulls, but they were entertaining geese, and I think I saw PELICANS. I have to look up somewhere to find out if we really do have pelicans here, or if my eyes were playing tricks on me. I love having the beach almost in my back yard. I really enjoy walking anywhere I can walk to without crippling myself.

I have more planning to do for this trip to the lovely Tri-cities. I will report back later.

I love Maxine!

HEY CHECK THIS OUT!!!

Go to the bottom of the page....don't ask questions, just do it! You can watch TV online. Or you can listen to TV online while you read my blog. Is that not amazing?

OK, now I am going back to looking for rental cars...................

puttin' one foot in front of the other

Not a lot going on---yet. Trying to figure out a way to get me & the dogs (yeah-I know that's awful grammar) where we need to go so I can spend some time with Jenna after her surgery. I am really sick of this car thing, and believe me, when I get back to work, I am buying a decent dependable car. Today I cleaned a bit at the church, went to an NA meeting. I spent the night last night at a friend's to keep an eye on her two teenage sons while she is out of town. I talked to all three of my daughters today. I am getting excited to see my new grandson, and to renew my relationship with his older brother!

OK, back to looking for the closest rental car agency..................grrrrrrrr.

another day in paradise

Well, well, well. This morning I realized I needed to get my meds refilled (a tad late, but hey--I have this add brain that is spotty on my best days) but I forgot to take today's meds. Until now, and my day is almost over--thank goodness. Then I noticed that my atm card is missing. I used it yesterday morning on the way to church. But I cannot for the life of me figure out where I put it. I've got the money, but not the card or transaction receipt. So I decided to go in person to my bank. I grabbed the keys to my "rental" and take off. The bank woman, who was very kind and did not laugh at me, helped me to cancel that card and to order a new one with a new number, which I will get in about a week or so. Since my bank is next door to the grocery store, I decided to pop in there and grab a few things. When I got home, I realized I had left my house key hanging where I put my keys so I don't lose or forget them, which is locked in my house. So I drove down the street to a friend's house, and called the locksmith (who is in our branch) and he and his wife walked down after they ate dinner. After numerous tries to unlock my house, he got it open and now I am sitting here, hoping Tanisha's plane ride was smoother than my day today. This is the second time in a year I have locked myself out of my house.

I think that Marissa & her family may not be coming to visit this summer. I am bummed.

and another thing

I am just posting this because I haven't posted a picture in a long time and I am very bored. That's all. No other reason.

shuckee darn

It is with a heavy heart that I report that I was called by one of the organizations that interviewed me for a job, and I was informed that I did not get the job. Without thinking, I said "Thank you!" and then quickly caught myself and added, "For letting me know." Now I can honestly report that I did not turn down any offers of work this week. Unless someone else calls and offers me a job. The job I really want hasn't started interviews yet. I am not really qualified for the job--no degree--but I am hoping that my experience will weigh in pretty heavily. The next time I have money, in addition to buying a dependable car, I might have to get into school & at least finish my AA degree. I wish I could be a full-time student, but unless a wealthy relative that I don't know about dies and leaves me a LOT of $$$, that will not happen. Since I don't play the Lotto anymore (not that it was a habit before) I can't even count that as a possibility.

The unemployment people talked to me yesterday about the details of my separation from the job from you-know-where. Hopefully, the decision will be in my favor and I will start getting unemployment checks. Soon.

I accidentally spent a few hours reading this late morning/early afternoon reading the BOM. I was reading Sunday's lesson, and I got caught up with the story and finished Alma & Helaman. That Samuel is a chatty guy!

Time for a little walk to the store--I need a little exercise after sitting on my tush reading for so long today. This IS such a hard life, isn't it?

another first

Yesterday I went on my first visiting teaching episode. I am fortunate in that I am being "trained" so to speak, by a former Relief Society president who is known as a real go-getter and very grounded in the gospel. So far we have met with two of our three people. It was fun and seems simple enough. But that might change when I have to step up to the plate and do more than interject comments when appropriate. So far I haven't even been tempted to utter an inappropriate comment--none have entered my overactive mind (at least not when I was visiting teaching).

I just remembered that today is Wednesday and the weekly paper is out, so I need to search the want ads and see if my new job is listed there........

Should be writing a cover letter

Yep, I am applying for another job, and I need to complete all the necessary paperwork before I fax my application in. This is the boring part. Can't I just say "Hey, I think I might like this job and you might like me; let's chat"? Guess not. I moved my printer/scanner upstairs so I can scan more pictures soon.
All is quiet except for the sounds of the clicking of keys on my keyboard, and the wind outside. It's too strong to call a breeze. I would rather be walking on the beach, but I have chores.
By the way, did you notice my new blog layout?

WOW!

I am amazed--Jenna & I talked on the phone for 2 1/2 hours this evening. I can't remember the last time we talked so long. We have pretty much solved all the world's problems, now if someone will just ask for our advice **smile** I hope to get over to her when she has her surgery, but there are a few details to be worked out. Is it bad to hope I DON'T get a job soon?

My older brother Duane called me today; we talked about how much we miss our oldest brother Lee. Duane is having health problems, had a heart attack at 51(he's 56 now) and was wheezing loudly throughout today's conversation due to his COPD. Listening to him describe his life, I became even more grateful for my own life. He was just released from the hospital after getting over pneumonia, and admitted he has not stopped smoking, although he has tried multiple times. I had a very similar conversation with our mother in the fall of 1994, which was kind of hypocritical since I was still smoking then. When she had emergency surgery in January of 1995 for a perferated colon, she was unable to breathe on her own, so they gave her a tracheotomy and put her on a respirator. The respirator was never removed until the night she died, almost two months later, after spending the entire time in the intensive care unit, and being unconcious 99.9% of the time. Duane & I were with her when she died, each of us holding one of her hands. I was with Lee when he died, at his side and telling him it was ok to go. He had cancer and was in a lot of pain. I'm afraid my other two brothers are on their own. Since I plan to live on this earth for a long time, because I have lots to do, I just know I will outlive both of them.

Since I am on this gloomy roll, I may as well acknowledge my son's birthday which is tomorrow, August 4th. He would be 26 this year. Someone told me I can do his work, and we can be sealed when I am able to go to the temple. And I will be able to raise him when we are reunited. That is a comforting thought to hold on to, and yet another reason to stay on my path!

I am sorry to seem so morbid, because I really don't feel that way. Truly, I am so grateful for all of my blessings, being reminded today that I have been smoke free since January 2000, and what a miracle that is! I am sad for my mother and my brother Duane, but they made choices, and could have made the same choices I have made. Recently I was told that I have been blessed with a strong mind, a strong body and a strong spirit. When I compare myself to the rest of my family, I think that statement was more accurate than I believed at first. I know that I am so grateful for my life. I am happy, I love my life, and if I fall out of love with my life, I can do something different. I don't think my mother or my brothers had the same love of life that I have (despite "those days") and I don't know if they ever had dreams to work toward and make come true. I have had a lot of loss in my life, but I have also been graced with so much. I truly feel that most people who have been where I've been do not have the opportunity to live the life I now have. Sometimes I wonder how or why I ever was blessed so much to be able to enjoy the many, many gifts I have received.

Well, enough of my rambling. And my poor grammar & sentence structure. (Sorry Mrs. Gunning) I am off to bed, right after I find a good talk on byutv.com. This morning I learned that Steve Young is LDS. I'm tellin ya--those LDS people are everywhere!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TANISHA!!

Happy Birthday to my incredible daughter, Tanisha Nicole! From such a fragile start to the trailblazer she is today...I am blessed. And so is the rest of the world! (no mother's pride here) I love you very much!

I was awakened at 6:29 am (hurray for digital clocks!) this morning by rousing strains of "Down by the Lazy River" sung by the Osmond Family (sharing the stage with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir & the Temple Square Orchestra) on BYUTV.com. It was a part of the Jubilee in Salt Lake City. What a contrast--from sleaze to entertainment that makes me feel good in the space of a few hours. If you would like to see this terrific show, you can find it in the drop down box for the date of August 1, during the times for 6:00 to 8:00, masquerading as Studies of the Book of Mormon, Living Essentials from BYU, and Questions & Ancestors. This is proof of my rather odd habit of listening to Women's Conference talks as I am falling to sleep (or other talks when the subject catches my interest). One of the perks of living alone with the naughty puppies is that I can pursue my eccentic activities without bothering anyone else. So far the naughty puppies have not been influenced by the spiritual messages they undoubtedly hear.

Mom goes to the comedy club

Sounds like a sit com, doesn't it? My partner in crime (so to speak) heard about this comedy club deal this evening that was supposed to be "family friendly" and a cover charge of only $3.00. Well, we got there (the Labor Temple in Astoria) a little before 9:00 to get a good seat. We could have gotten there much later and still gotten a good seat. Matter of fact, when we left in the middle of the first comic's set, there were plenty of good seats. Too bad there wasn't a good and funny comedian. I was amazed--not in a good way--by the content of this comedian's routine--I really don't find nasty comments about various parts of the body very amusing. I don't think I would have been entertained by this stuff even before my great conversion, and I was pretty tolerant of most kinds of entertainment in those days. Our first clue that perhaps we had a different idea of "family friendly" entertainment than the proprietors of this establishment might have been the fact that it was a smoky, dive of a BAR. The smoke part really irritated me--now my hair smells like smoke and tonight my hair allowed me to create a GREAT do. Which will be washed out tomorrow.

It was a fun night, because it was such an adventure. This is the latest I have been out since I saw Celtic Woman in March--or was that April?

Gotta get to sleep--tomorrow is someone's birthday..........

moving onward & upward (?)

Well, things are better...or maybe things are the same but I am better. I "taught" my second lesson today in Relief Society. The topic was Elder Richard Scott's talk at the last General Conference "Healing the Shattering Consequences of Abuse" Now there is a fun thing to talk about--not! When I was practicing my lesson, I just could not get very far, no matter how many different approaches I took. Although I have both personal and professional experience with this topic, I really did not want to make this about me. My goal was to present the talk as it had been given by Elder Scott, with no personal "revelations". So I tried over and over to put this talk together, and it just was not working. By last night I was getting very concerned, so, I hit my knees and was really pleading for what I was supposed to present. Finally, felt that I was supposed to share some of my past in order to make this an effective lesson. That time, when I wrote an outline, the words flowed, the ideas came together. I got to bed about midnight. But my lesson was prepared. (Note to self: don't waste time arguing with the Holy Ghost)

Today we had awesome speakers in the first two sessions of church. I had to pray several times for the ability to listen and learn and quit thinking about myself and the lesson I had to teach third hour. I was partially successful. I have mentioned before that I live in a tourist destination, and during the summer we have LOTS of vacationing visitors and today was no exception. Anyway, I got off to a shaky start, but with the help of my sisters in RS, things picked up, and we were able to discuss openly some very important ideas for people to use in their journeys to healing, as well as some thoughts on how to protect our children from abuse. I do think that by sharing some of my past with the women, that it made it easier for them to open up a little more than they might have otherwise. At least that is my hope.

I am suffering from a caffeine headache. Yes, I fell off the wagon, and so I am detoxing yet again. I suppose I could drink caffeine free Diet Pepsi, but what would be the point? Newman's grape juice & sparkling mineral water is much better for me.

challenging day

Today has been a sad day--no particular reason--just one of those melancholy days. Looking over the past, wishing some things could be changed. Usually, I am comfortable with the directions my life has taken (with the exceptions of the pain and suffering I have caused others) because all that I have experienced in this life has brought me to this place. I have not been so accepting of my past today. I think I have been doing a lot of reading and thinking, and thinking how different my life and choices would have been had I known then what I know now. I guess I have been feeling sorry for myself, and I need to snap out of it!

I have a good life and I am grateful for all that I have.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNA!!!

This might be a picture from a birthday past..
..it could be, since it was taken in the hot Tri-cities summertime. I put most of my photos on a jump drive (I think that's what they're called) and I put it someplace safe. For the moment it is very safe.

Anyway, happy birthday to my oldest child..............I love you very much!

Events of the day

It has been a good day. I had an interview for a new job (no kidding--I've never heard of anyone interviewing for an OLD job) and it was ok. I came home and put a huge stack of magazines in the pile to go to the trash compacter. We don't have garbage service here, we take our trash to the compacter station and there is a small recycling station there as well. I also pulled about 50 books to give away. Then the missionaries came over and we worked on my yard. They are so cute--I just love them. We decided that the next presidential team should be Barack & Mitt-- a little something for everyone! After they left, I was putting away my lawnmower & other paraphernalia, when I spied a box of videos. So I started going through them....pulling the R rated ones. Which was pretty much half of that box. So the next time the trash compacter place is open I have quite a little load to take over there. If you are thinking there seems to be no rhyme or reason to my housekeeping/yardkeeping efforts--you're absolutely right!! Which is why I have such a hard time keeping up with things around here. Focus?? What's that? Now what was I talking about? Are you getting a good visual? Welcome to the fascinating workings of my brain :-) It is amazing I have survived this long!

One corner of my living room is looking mighty spiffy now, and my yard looks pretty good as well. I need to email Barack and let him know what the young elders & I have decided.

and now for Alyssa........

Pics lifted from her mom's MySpace page. Isn't she bee-yoo-tee-full?????

birthday party from the past........

Guess who?!!!

updated Anthony

This is my oldest grandchild....with his younger sister, Alyssa, who is my second oldest grand daughter. He is with a friend in the middle pic & he is on "my" beach in the top pic. He's grown up quite a bit from that day in 1993! Isn't he handsome?

Four generations

This is a picture taken when my mother was visiting my family in Richland in 1993. She passed away before any more of my grandchildren were born. Just for the record this is a photo of my mother, Janet Cralle' Harrison Robinson (her name at the time), me Brenda Cralle' Harrison Somdahl (my name at the time), my oldest daughter Jenna Cralle' Henderson Harris (her name at the time), and Anthony James Harris (which continues to be his name to this day).

Hmmmm, one might think that the women in my family have a few aliases.......but that could potentially be a topic of yet another post on another day. A very slow news day.

By the way, can you believe what a chunk Anthony is? I will find a recent photo of him that I "lifted" from his MySpace page.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HOPE!

I already called and sang Happy Birthday. Birthday presents are in the mail. As of yesterday. Really.

Really, it's in the mail, no really

The package is in the mail! I am so proud of myself! Actually, I also sent off Hope's birthday present, and a book to my friend Sharon in Seattle. Chatted with a couple of friends. It is only 8:00 (thereabouts) and I am sleepy. So good night ...........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Pictures from Sunday

This is Patriarch Quinn and me after I received my Blessing. He and his wife were very gracious and kind, and their home was lovely. They took this photo Sunday afternoon. I received this pic & the next one along with a copy of my Blessing today. I was so excited--everyone told me it would be a couple of weeks.


This is my friend Sherry and her very handsome son, who took me to St. Helens for the Blessing.
***********************************************************
OK, I have a confession to make. I didn't get the tape finished and the box isn't sent yet. I am so ashamed. Every time I would try to read one of the books with animal sounds, the dogs would bark. I decided to go to Astoria to pick up my new glasses (yay, everything is sharp and in focus again). Then I spent almost 4 hours kickin it with the missionaries at the church this afternoon (I am indeed a fun old woman). I might still be there with them if they hadn't been invited to dinner somewhere else. We started off talking about--wait, what did we start off talking about? It was good, and the Young Elders even brought out their scriptures, but I am having a senior moment, or a menopausal moment and I am having a hard time remembering. It was a great conversation, and I learned a lot, both about doctrine and about the life of a missionary. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, I was confessing my incompleted promise and about to beg for forgiveness. I will stay up tonight until the tape is done, and put the dog (Tucker of course) in the car if I have to. I might try tying him up with duct tape.

CALL MOM ALERT :-)

Tanisha needs to call her mother (after 2:00 pm my time) or send her an email w/ her phone # and snail mail address. Please and thank you. Not to brag, but I do an excellent rendition of "Click Clack Moo, Cows that Type." If I don't hear from you by this evening, I have many more pics to post......don't make me get ugly!

PS--How do you like my count down thingy?

Monday's miracle

So yesterday, with all of its milestones, also was a test of faith for me. Due to the unexpected timing of this, ahem, time between jobs, I was looking at either paying tithing or possibly not being able to pay all of my utility bills. But, I paid my tithe & fast offering (although the fast offering was smaller this time than last). This morning I called the phone company, and made payment arrangements, as well as investigated moving my internet service to them as well, so I will only have one bill to pay. Also, my area can now enroll in unlimited long distance for the US. Then I went to the mail box and there was a check from the IRS that I have been fighting with them about for months!!

So, I went & deposited the check in the bank, then went directly to my bishop's house to write my check for this tithing deal, then went and paid on my huge hospital bill (remember the foot surgery? I still owe $1500.00 on that puppy) then went and paid my electricity bill ahead even (no bill until September). Then I came home and called the phone company and paid this bill and made arrangements to switch my internet service in a few days (as soon as the new modem arrives). I bought groceries, trying to be mindful of the "suggestion" to pay particular attention to the Word of Wisdom. I even remembered to take a church outfit to a woman who always wears pants to church, because she has no dresses. (I accidently bought small sized skirt and blouse when I was on one of my consignment shop visits looking for dresses & blouses that are a bit more appropriate for the more modest matrons of the bunch) I really liked the outfit, so I am glad someone I know will be able to use it!

Now I am home, and making a list of the things I was going to do today that I must do tomorrow. Tanisha, I PROMISE I will get this box in the mail! Tomorrow! Oops, gotta put a stop to this post so I can finish reading stories on tape for Richard & Josiah so I can mail the box tomorrow.

Thank goodness I am unemployed at the moment! I would never have had the time to do all of this!

Very memorable day

I met with the Patriarch today...what an incredible experience...I have a lot to think about...and a lot of work to do! I can't wait until I get a copy of my blessing. Right now I am overwhelmed! There is no way I can remember everything.

I also shared my first testimony today. Our church was filled to the brim with visitors on their 4th of July vacation at the beach, so I really was not wanting to do it today. It's one thing to be a blabbering, tongue tied fool in front of the members of my branch--it's another thing to do it in front of so many people I don't know. I would have chickened out, but I felt that if I am asking for a Patriarchal Blessing, then I should be willing to stand and give my testimony. It seems only right.
So, all in all, it has been a very big day for the new convert.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA!

I am so grateful to live in the United States of America, and to be a citizen of this great nation. Sometimes I take the blessing of being an American for granted. At other times, I wonder why I am so fortunate to have been born here, at this time in history. Today I would like to invite everyone to read the Constitution of the United States of America, to be reminded of the inspired principles this country was founded upon. To be sure, we (both our leaders and average citizens alike) fall short of these ideals, but the Constitution is the written "instruction book" of how this country is supposed to conduct itself.

This promises to be a landmark year in the history of our country. We need to take our responsibility to vote very seriously. This nation can only remain free if all of her citizens participate and contribute to our quality of life . I am proud to be an American, and hope to be of service to my country and to my neighbors.

WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not a lot has changed, but some parts have changed a lot. A VERY influential person in this community was not pleased when I reported my resignation to them. They said I have a terrific recommendation whenever I might need it, and there are some possible good things in the works. What a difference a day makes!!!

Good triumphs over evil, at least for the moment :-) Neener, neener, neener......

I am getting my PB on Sunday...

what a day!

I have removed the rant that was originally here. Here is the mature condensed version: After a volatile meeting with the management team, we decided it would be the best course of action for all involved if I would tender my resignation. I am very relieved, and am looking forward to what lies ahead. I truly feel that my Heavenly Father has a new adventure in store for me, and anyone who knows me knows how much I love adventures!

I hope that my former employers do well, and provide much needed services to the community with respect and integrity.

survived day one

It was relatively nice...many people welcomed me back, both coworkers and clients. My supervisor wasn't there--she should return today. I have been praying for the ability to behave appropriately. It worked yesterday, but today will be the real test.

I learned last night that I am to be a grandmother again. I may not have been able to have all the children I hoped for as a young woman, but I am blessed with many grandchildren!

I have to swoop by the bank on my way to work this morning to get a notarized statement saying I am who I say I am so I can get a certified copy of my birth certificate. Would you believe I have never had one before? Almost 53 years on this earth and no "official" birth certificate. I understand that we can no longer renew our drivers license w/o a birth certificate? Anyway, I am on my way to get a passport, which I may need pretty soon (woohoo!!), so I am paying the outrageous fees to expedite the process.

I think it is amazing how life has changed so much since I was a very young person. (Like the need for a copy of my birth certificate, as opposed to my never having needed one until now) I wonder what other changes I will see during my lifetime...which I hope is a very long and pleasant one! There is always something new to learn. Pretty cool.

Time to get ready for work. I am going to try to mail a couple of packages today.

prize forfeited

Since no one identified the picture I posted on 6.28.2008 @ 4:13 pm, I am keeping the prize. That will teach you!

Bathtub Babies, part 1

Tanisha's love of the bath started at an early age.

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She may want to import this photo to her blog!

Is it football season yet?

need I say more?

Back to work

I have a heavy heart....tomorrow I am returning to work. Apparently, I have regained my sanity. I was feeling pretty good last Sunday. Today I am very sad. Could this be a hint front my psyche that it is not a good environment for me? I just think I do not belong there anymore. But where, exactly, do I belong?

I was thinking that I had kicked this depression that had been dragging me down, but here it is back with a vengeance. "Praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry it out."

I have some things I want to do, and some things I want to read....maybe a walk on the beach will help....maybe I will find a picture or two to post a little later to brighten the day.

PS to the previous post

An amazing thing happened when I attempted to publish the last post: it would not publish! I tried about 5 or 6 times to hit the "publish post" button and I kept getting an error message. Then it told me I couldn't save a draft (although I later found most of what I had written in a list of posts to be edited) I also tried to make a copy to transfer to an email, but I couldn't do that either. I really did not want to have to rewrite the whole thing, but it looked as though I was going to have to. Then I thought to copy the error message and send an email to the help page/people. I did that, had to join some blogger group with Google, posted my error message, then when I came back to my page, was able to publish the post. Finally!!

I wonder why I had to work so hard to get this post into my blog.............


GUESS WHO? (Clue: this photo was taken in 1974)

Coincidence? I think not......

I have not been adding to my blog for a couple of days, because I have been "pondering" my experience of the past couple/few days. I have learned about the Atonement, on a deep and sometimes very uncomfortable level. I got it from all sides- from books that I read & movies that I watched. Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to our bishop, and he mentioned watching "The Passion of the Christ". I own this movie--have owned it for a few years now, but have never watched it, as I was disgusted by Mel Gibson's drunken anti-Semitic tirade. I shared this with the bishop, and he said it had really been an intense and moving thing for him to watch the movie. I answered in an offhand manner that I should probably watch it "someday" and our conversation moved on.

On this past Wednesday night, I watched the Passion of the Christ. I was surprised to find that the dialogue was not in English--it was in Aramaic. I could not find the way to change the language (lost the remote before I moved here to the beach), so decided to watch, paying close attention, to see if I could follow the movie. After all, I know the story very well.

I was able to follow the story line very well, despite the language barrier. When my bishop had said it was intense, that was an incredible understatement. I'm telling you, there were many times I had to turn my head, or get up and wash a couple of dishes, and on several times I found myself sobbing. The words in my heart were "I'm so sorry, I am so very sorry" to both Heavenly Father and to Jesus. {My dogs, by this time, were very disturbed, as they have never seen me in such a state, even when they have plundered my living room!}

The next day, I was taking the bus to "town" (down the peninsula to Long Beach) and I picked up a couple of books from my vast library to read along the way. One was "The Peacegiver" which I had put down for a while because the reading felt redundant; the other was "The Brothers" the prologue to what has been recommended as a very good series of books. I opened the Peacegiver while I was waiting for the bus to pick me up (can you believe all I have to do is walk across the street from my house to catch the bus-- and the fare is only 35 cents each way?!). Within a page or two, I was reading about the Garden of Gethsemane, and this was another heartwrenching illustration of our Savior during that dreadful time. I was standing on the street blinking back tears. The bus came, and no one seemed to notice my misty eyes. After I sat down, I opened the book again, and read some more. After about 15 minutes, I decided to put the book away until I got home, where as experience had taught me, I could cry like a baby if I needed to.

I brought the other book out of my bag, and began reading it. This was not going to be light reading, either. It opens with a funeral. I closed that book, and watched the scenery until I got to town. I got off the bus, took care of my business, and when I caught the return bus, I read more of "The Brothers" which moved from the funeral scene to the beginning of what promises to be an intriguing story.

That evening, I pulled out a DVD I ordered from ldscatalog.org called "For this End was I Born." And you guessed it, this was also about the Atonement. I have carried the intensity of all of this with me for a few days now. I think I "get it" I am so grateful and so broken hearted. I have known the story for many years now, but never so deeply in my heart.

Isn't it interesting that I ran into this lesson over and over, everywhere I went? Coincidence? I think not.........

OK, JUST ONE MORE

Here is one of my very favorites of all time. The times that I am the happiest are when I am with my fabulous daughters and their families. I love my girls and I love being a grandma!!