survived day one

It was relatively nice...many people welcomed me back, both coworkers and clients. My supervisor wasn't there--she should return today. I have been praying for the ability to behave appropriately. It worked yesterday, but today will be the real test.

I learned last night that I am to be a grandmother again. I may not have been able to have all the children I hoped for as a young woman, but I am blessed with many grandchildren!

I have to swoop by the bank on my way to work this morning to get a notarized statement saying I am who I say I am so I can get a certified copy of my birth certificate. Would you believe I have never had one before? Almost 53 years on this earth and no "official" birth certificate. I understand that we can no longer renew our drivers license w/o a birth certificate? Anyway, I am on my way to get a passport, which I may need pretty soon (woohoo!!), so I am paying the outrageous fees to expedite the process.

I think it is amazing how life has changed so much since I was a very young person. (Like the need for a copy of my birth certificate, as opposed to my never having needed one until now) I wonder what other changes I will see during my lifetime...which I hope is a very long and pleasant one! There is always something new to learn. Pretty cool.

Time to get ready for work. I am going to try to mail a couple of packages today.

prize forfeited

Since no one identified the picture I posted on 6.28.2008 @ 4:13 pm, I am keeping the prize. That will teach you!

Bathtub Babies, part 1

Tanisha's love of the bath started at an early age.

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She may want to import this photo to her blog!

Is it football season yet?

need I say more?

Back to work

I have a heavy heart....tomorrow I am returning to work. Apparently, I have regained my sanity. I was feeling pretty good last Sunday. Today I am very sad. Could this be a hint front my psyche that it is not a good environment for me? I just think I do not belong there anymore. But where, exactly, do I belong?

I was thinking that I had kicked this depression that had been dragging me down, but here it is back with a vengeance. "Praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry it out."

I have some things I want to do, and some things I want to read....maybe a walk on the beach will help....maybe I will find a picture or two to post a little later to brighten the day.

PS to the previous post

An amazing thing happened when I attempted to publish the last post: it would not publish! I tried about 5 or 6 times to hit the "publish post" button and I kept getting an error message. Then it told me I couldn't save a draft (although I later found most of what I had written in a list of posts to be edited) I also tried to make a copy to transfer to an email, but I couldn't do that either. I really did not want to have to rewrite the whole thing, but it looked as though I was going to have to. Then I thought to copy the error message and send an email to the help page/people. I did that, had to join some blogger group with Google, posted my error message, then when I came back to my page, was able to publish the post. Finally!!

I wonder why I had to work so hard to get this post into my blog.............


GUESS WHO? (Clue: this photo was taken in 1974)

Coincidence? I think not......

I have not been adding to my blog for a couple of days, because I have been "pondering" my experience of the past couple/few days. I have learned about the Atonement, on a deep and sometimes very uncomfortable level. I got it from all sides- from books that I read & movies that I watched. Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to our bishop, and he mentioned watching "The Passion of the Christ". I own this movie--have owned it for a few years now, but have never watched it, as I was disgusted by Mel Gibson's drunken anti-Semitic tirade. I shared this with the bishop, and he said it had really been an intense and moving thing for him to watch the movie. I answered in an offhand manner that I should probably watch it "someday" and our conversation moved on.

On this past Wednesday night, I watched the Passion of the Christ. I was surprised to find that the dialogue was not in English--it was in Aramaic. I could not find the way to change the language (lost the remote before I moved here to the beach), so decided to watch, paying close attention, to see if I could follow the movie. After all, I know the story very well.

I was able to follow the story line very well, despite the language barrier. When my bishop had said it was intense, that was an incredible understatement. I'm telling you, there were many times I had to turn my head, or get up and wash a couple of dishes, and on several times I found myself sobbing. The words in my heart were "I'm so sorry, I am so very sorry" to both Heavenly Father and to Jesus. {My dogs, by this time, were very disturbed, as they have never seen me in such a state, even when they have plundered my living room!}

The next day, I was taking the bus to "town" (down the peninsula to Long Beach) and I picked up a couple of books from my vast library to read along the way. One was "The Peacegiver" which I had put down for a while because the reading felt redundant; the other was "The Brothers" the prologue to what has been recommended as a very good series of books. I opened the Peacegiver while I was waiting for the bus to pick me up (can you believe all I have to do is walk across the street from my house to catch the bus-- and the fare is only 35 cents each way?!). Within a page or two, I was reading about the Garden of Gethsemane, and this was another heartwrenching illustration of our Savior during that dreadful time. I was standing on the street blinking back tears. The bus came, and no one seemed to notice my misty eyes. After I sat down, I opened the book again, and read some more. After about 15 minutes, I decided to put the book away until I got home, where as experience had taught me, I could cry like a baby if I needed to.

I brought the other book out of my bag, and began reading it. This was not going to be light reading, either. It opens with a funeral. I closed that book, and watched the scenery until I got to town. I got off the bus, took care of my business, and when I caught the return bus, I read more of "The Brothers" which moved from the funeral scene to the beginning of what promises to be an intriguing story.

That evening, I pulled out a DVD I ordered from ldscatalog.org called "For this End was I Born." And you guessed it, this was also about the Atonement. I have carried the intensity of all of this with me for a few days now. I think I "get it" I am so grateful and so broken hearted. I have known the story for many years now, but never so deeply in my heart.

Isn't it interesting that I ran into this lesson over and over, everywhere I went? Coincidence? I think not.........