Where does the time go?

Has it really been two months since I last wrote? I guess so. The ol' blog doesn't lie. I have been incredibly busy but it's all been "normal" stuff (whatever that means)

Christmas is 2 weeks away. Less. I love the Lord. I give thanks for His birth. And His life. And his great sacrifice, the Atonement.

I am learning to not follow through on gut reactions when things happen, or when people say things to me that I'm not sure I want to hear or know. Life is what it is. You just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and say your prayers, try to wait for the answer, and move on.

I have some concerns about the near future, but again there is not much I can do but pray and love the ones I love so much.

Almost a private diary

Well, this is ok. Facebook has taken over and left blogs in their dust. I am not so good with Facebook. So I can use this blog as a sort of journal. I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore.

My Jenna is soldiering through chemo and radiation to provide more protection after having surgery to remove cancer. The doctors are pretty sure they got all the cancer, But to give Jenna the best possible shot at beating this cancer, they have recommended an aggressive combination of chemo and radiation at the same time. I got to sit with her yesterday while she was getting a 4 hour dose of chemo. I am trying really hard to not be a "helicopter mom" and give Jen the space she needs to do this treatment in her own way. I want to tell the doctors what to do. I want to do something--anything--to make her all right. She is so brave and determined. I am so proud of this strong woman who is my daughter. She is my hero.

I hate being so far away. And really I am not far. It is a 4 hour drive (younger faster drivers make it in less time) and I just made it and stayed the weekend with Jenna & her family. The naughty pugs love me and little Lola.

I have to read my scriptures and get to bed. I am really tired these days. I might be thinking too much. **smile**

in shock

WHAT???? lds.org is down for maintainence? How can that be? Whatever will I do until it's back up?

Nobody told me.....

life was fair.......

don't you hate it when

You realize you are really pretty much powerless, and the only thing you can control is yourself and your attitude and maybe the remote to the tv?

I was just wondering if I'm the only one. Probably.

My little naughty dog Henry

Ok, I just have to share this: Henry has started his food storage program! I was cleaning the crate this afternoon, and discovered 3 partial "chewies" stashed outside the crate close to his cushion. I know it's Henry because he does not like to share his chewies with Lola and he stashes them everywhere in the living room. Sometimes he stashes them in my backpack and I find them when I am at work. Sometimes he stashes them in the basket of clothes I am preparing to fold.

But whatever you might say about Henry, he is a good little Mormon dog and has his very own food storage going on. I didn't know he knew about these things. Never underestimate little naughty dogs.

A lesson learned

As I watched and waited to hear that my child would be ok, I realized what an incomprehensible act it was that Heavenly Father performed when He sent His son to earth. I have been struggling with being powerless regarding my daughter's health, and I cannot describe the sheer fear I felt and continue to feel from time to time.

How did Heavenly Father find the love and the strength to send the Savior to earth, especially when He knew how everything would turn out? How did He refrain from rescuing His son when Jesus was in agony in the Garden of Gethsemane or how could He allow Jesus to endure the the unthinkable torture and death and not strike back?

Truly, I realize that Heavenly Father loves us--REALLY LOVES US--to follow through with His plan. These last few days have given me a minuscule taste of what the Father must have gone through. I really need to be mindful of the amazing gift the Atonement is. I often think of how Jesus suffered but this past week I have a new appreciation for the suffering of my Heavenly Father.

I am also learning what it means to cry unto the Lord. There is nothing else I can do. It is so hard to say "Your will not mine" but I am getting close to meaning that. I am not there yet.